


The Destruction Of Jaime Lannister

by LibKat



Series: Season 8 Spitefics and Fixits [3]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Gen, I HATE Season 8, Real people in imaginary situation, Spitefic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-05 12:16:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18828511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibKat/pseuds/LibKat
Summary: In light of what has happened, this is my imagining of the meeting where George R. R. Martin laid out the ending for D. B. Weiss and David Benioff.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am back with more spite and bile towards the hacks who’ve ruined this show.
> 
> Disclaimer:  Game of Thrones belongs to a whole bunch of people who are not me and didn’t deserve to be their stewards.

The Destruction Of Jaime Lannister

 

 

A few years ago somewhere in New Mexico …

“And that takes care of Sansa’s plot.” The portly man with the bushy beard said.  “Do you want to take a break or should we continue?”

Two fit, middle-aged men had been hanging on his every word.  They exchanged a glance.  Sansa turning on Littlefinger and outwitting him would be so cool.  And cold, detached, almost blank Sansa would play right into Sophie’s wheelhouse.

“Let’s keep going, George.  One more and then we’ll break.”  D. B. Weiss was almost bouncing in his enthusiasm.

Martin looked at the two of them.  He loved all the adulation that the TV show had brought him.  The extra energy was just what he needed to break through his writer’s block and finish Winds of Winter.

“All right, then, let’s move on to Jaime.”

It was all Weiss and Benioff could do not to groan.  Not Jaime.  Jaime was so conflicted and complex and hard to write.  Jaime made their heads hurt.  Why couldn’t he just choose to be a villain or a good guy like everybody else?  Like evil, sadistic Ramsay or pretty, wonderful Daenerys and noble, heroic Jon. 

Jaime couldn’t even fight anymore and he’d pussied out in the books, trying to make peace in the Riverlands instead of kicking ass.  Politics and diplomacy were boring and so hard to write.

“When Jaime and Brienne meet with Lady Stoneheart …”

Blah, blah, blah.  They weren’t doing Lady Stoneheart.  They could save on Michelle Fairley’s salary and use it on cool dragon CGI.

“When Jaime returns from the Riverlands and finds that Cersei has blown up the Sept of Baelor with wildfire …”

Cersei was going to blow up the sept!?  How cool was that going to be?  Lena would play the shit out of that.  Lena was great.  She just got Cersei.  She was so steely and in charge.  But she knew that Cersei loved those children and would do anything for them.  Weiss and Benioff congratulated themselves every day about the improvements they had made to Cersei’s character to make her so much more relatable.

“And when Jaime sees the smoking ruins of the sept, he will …”

Jaime was such a problem.  They loved Nikolaj, they really did.  But he was always asking questions, wanting to know his character’s motivations.  He wanted the character’s actions to make sense with everything that came before.  Both Weiss and Benioff knew that sidelining him in Dorne so they could include the hot, sexy Sand Snakes and keep Indira around another season was going to be an issue.  Maybe they’d throw in some little connection to Brienne to try to make Nik happy.

“When Jaime goes North …”

Wait!  What!  Jaime goes North.  But who will be with Cersei?  Who will Cersei talk to? Who will reassure her that she’s perfect and wonderful and always help her get what she wants?

“After the battle, Jaime will finally act on his feelings for Brienne and they will make love …”

What the fuck!  Brienne wasn’t … Brienne isn’t …  Brienne’s not supposed to do stuff like that.  She’s just supposed to stand behind other characters and look fierce.  Or do some sword fighting and look fierce.  Gwen is really pretty and all, but not when she’s being Brienne.  Jaime goes from _Cersei_ to _Brienne_!  How were they supposed to sell that?  Does Jaime get all moony and puppy dog and follow her into battle or something?

“Then Jaime realizes he has to return to Kings Landing to take care of Cersei …”

Oh, thank God!   Benioff and Weiss nodded in agreement at each other.  Jaime wakes up and realizes he still loves Cersei.  She’s the only one for him.  Everybody knows that.  Well, there’s some crazy fringe fans who ship him with other characters, but they’re just so wrong.

Wait a minute, he wakes up …  That could work.

“And while the caverns below the Red Keep collapse around them, Cersei begs Jaime to save her and …”

Oh.  Oh YES!  The twins leave the world together just as they came into the world together.  What a great, poignant, romantic ending for them.  As George continued to talk Weiss and Benioff shared a long look.  This was great.  It would practically write itself and they could concentrate on the battle and making Jon and Daenerys look cool.

“And that takes care of Jaime.  Are you clear on where he’s headed?”

Weiss and Benioff nodded their heads in unison.

“Okay, then.  After lunch, we’ll talk about Daenerys.  Some people may find her arc surprising, but I think you’ll agree it’s where she’s been headed all along.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had not thought to add anything to this, but the news that the Star Wars deal went through was too much to ignore.

Late tomorrow night in an unknown tropical location ...

D. B. Weiss contemplated turning his phone off to end the deluge of news about the disaster that should have been their moment of triumph. His years-long partner, David Benioff had been steadily drinking all afternoon, prepping for the shit storm that descended on them when the final credits rolled.

Their wives and kids had deserted them hours before and neither man was entirely sure their families would ever come back.  They might have decided to change their names and relocate to New Zealand.  David’s wife hadn’t said a word to him since Jaime went back to Cersei in episode four.  She used only texts laden with poop emojis when she had to communicate with her husband.

“It’s not _our_ fault,” David moaned, his arms pillowing his head on the desk in Dan’s bungalow.  “Not our fault.  If George had only finished the damn books, everyone would already have blamed him.  _We_ didn’t make Daenerys go nuts or make Jon such an ineffectual dipshit.  Hell, we didn’t even know the ending when we proposed the show.”

Dan knew some of that was true.  If he had known when all of this started that the only way to film the ending was as a nihilistic nightmare of everybody ending right back where they started, he would have thrown the first book in the trash and gotten on with his life.

But fans were so pissed about stupid stuff like character development, foreshadowing, white savior complexes, the _lighting_ for fuck’s sake.  Who could have seen _that_ coming?  He and Dave had delivered a huge spectacle, an epic!  Every penny of the budget was on the screen.

Except for the time they had spent developing and writing the pilot script for Confederates when they should have been writing season eight.  But c’mon, it was only four GOT scripts plus two to supervise from Hill and Cogman.  They could do that in their sleep.

It seemed like most people thought they had.

Dan looked at his phone again.  Rotten Tomatoes was killing him.

And apparently, a whole lot of people thought two middle-aged white guys shouldn’t be writing about the black slave experience in America! 

They’d already plotted out awesome character arcs for two women, one black, one white, who would grow and change and find sisterhood in the shared experience of being sexually abused by men, many, many men. 

It would be a crime if that story wasn’t told.

And it was looking more and more like HBO wasn’t going to be too interested in pursuing another deal with them any time soon.

Thank God they already had the Star Wars gig.  The contract was signed.  They just had to figure out a way to really make their mark on the franchise so that the script they delivered would make it into production.

“Pull it together, Dave.  Nobody who counts will remember any of this in a few months.  All the industry will remember is how much money we made for HBO.  Now all we have to do is deliver something really cool for Star Wars, and this shit won’t even rate a mention on our Wikipedia pages,” Dan exhorted his friend.

David Benioff raised his head from the puddle of drool on the desk and blinked a couple of times.  “Yeah.  Yeah, you’re right.  But it’s got to be something groundbreaking, paradigm shifting.  Something for the people who are tired of all that childhood nostalgia crap that Disney’s been serving up.  People who are ready for Star Wars for adults!”

“You’re right!  You’re absolutely right!  A Star Wars with shocks and violence that has consequences and hot Dark Side witches in skimpy costumes they can lose with the pull of a single knot."  Dan sat up as if a lightbulb had just gone off over his head.  “What we need is a … an alternate universe version of the story.” 

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”  Dave asked him.  They were sooooooo sympatico.

“A universe where Darth Vader raised Luke and Leia.  Where they were taught that only the Skywalker bloodline was important.  For years they had to hide their love, but only they _matter_.  To protect their beautiful incest babies who Leia loves more than anything, they decide to assassinate the Emperor and rule the galaxy together.”  Dan leapt out of his chair in his enthusiasm and strode about the room.

THIS!  This was going to be gold.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really bagging on Lena Headey. I just hate the way Weiss and Benioff were always so obsessed with her character to the detriment of others.


End file.
